Love 101 - My crash course

Lately I've been receiving a lot of lessons on what LOVE is really about and what it really means. I always thought Love was a feeling...an emotion that was expressed through affection and kind acts. But I'm starting to realize that Love wears many hats....and the aforementioned characteristics are only two of them. After all of the many times that I thought I'd fallen in (and out) of love, I'm finally able to start defining what Love is for me.

This weekend a good friend of mine asked me to help her host the 25th Anniversary Party of a married couple from her church. I quickly agreed - if ever I have the time to help someone else, I always try to. But I had no idea what I was getting myself into...within minutes of arriving at the home, I was in tears. Moved by a touching prayer said by a family member, I learned through her words, just how significant this anniversary was....this wasn't just any 'ol party or chance to renew vows, this was a true celebration of dedication, commitment, perseverance, patience, sacrifice, and Love...

Mr. and Mrs. Mister (yes, their name is "Mister") have been married for 25 of the 28 years that they have been together. Over the last two decades, these two have built a life together - they have a cozy 2-story home on Chicago's West side with a roomy basement for entertainment and an immaculate yard thats just now starting to be covered with Fall leaves. Their family consists not only of their own children, but that of neighbor's, close friends, church members, and even colleagues. Mr. and Mrs. Mister were that couple - one to rival the Huxtibles - who always had their door open for others, always had a minute to share in someone else's joy, or listen to their pain...shared recipes, lunches, and Godly advice was distributed regularly. And even with all of their constant giving to others, they still had time for each other. Some marriages fizzle out over time, but this couple now in their late 50's/early 60's, still had fire for one another. In fact, Mrs. Mister had plans to retire soon...allowing her even more time to relax. So it was a major blow when her husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's....her rock, the head of the household...now needed her more than ever as he suffered from this brain disorder which would affect his memory, thinking, and behavior. Life as they knew it would drastically change...

Imagine, all intimacy as you know it with your partner - gone. Picture after a life of 25 years together, going through days when they may not even remember who you are....What could possibly get you through such difficult times? What pushes Mrs. Mister to stick by her husband through this debilitating disease? It's what I now recognize as true Love.

In her crowded living room, Mrs. Mister was overcome with emotion as she spoke to her guests:

"To everybody in here - whether you are married or not! I want you to know that marriage is serious! Through sickness or health, for better or worse...those vows are serious! And you better do right by the people in your life! My husband needs me now more than ever - and what if I chose not to do right by him?!"

The hurt rolled down her cheeks as she described how difficult it's been taking care of husband, but their was strength in her tears - She described how she goes to work everyday to continue to support him, and how dedicated she is to making sure she is there for him every step of the way. As she spoke, she cried, and she simultaneously praised God and thanked him for her husband, their life together, the beautiful 25 years shared, and for holding their hands as they walk boldly into this new and unexpected chapter of their marriage....

I imagine that my definition of Love will continue to evolve over time, just as I continue to mature and change, but here is how I currently put meaning behind this 4-letter word....

Commitment

Completely and wholly pledging your entire self to someone else. Every single part of you....inside, outside, upside, downside.

Dedication
Selflessly devoting your time and energy towards a shared purpose or goal with someone. And then choosing to stay the course, regardless of what happens.

Perseverance
Steady persistence in your actions in spite of complications.

Patience
(Oooh Jesus! Help me with this one!) A willingness to persevere without complaint, or irritation! Remaining diligent and not becoming annoyed...

Sacrifice
(This is a biggie!!) The ability to give up something great for another thing that you consider to be of even greater value! This is hard to do if your heart isn't really in it. You cannot fake the funk when it comes to sacrificing...

Intimacy
An expression of being close, affectionate, warm and familiar with someone....being a friend and a lover, Intimacy for me is being able to talk for hours, laughing until you fall into each others arms, brushing the tears away, or saying volumes without ever uttering a word...letting your actions do the talking.

Now friends, this is just MY opinion of a few things that make up what we all know as "Love". I'm hardly an expert on the matter. Hell, if I was, then maybe....well, never mind that. But this isn't the end of my journey to find out what Love is....and I have an inkling that it's more than just a FeelGood feeling.....